October 1st. The beginning of October. The beginning of the end of the year. I always thought endings and beginnings were so clear. As I get older I realize there are so many the blur together. There is beginning the end, end of the beginning, and everything in between. We head into our future blind by the unknown, yet our hindsight is always 20/20.
I have two “ending” letters to write today. One is my notice of intent to vacate my dear midtown apartment and my second is my 2 week notice for my volunteer service at Kaiser. I usually think of sadness when I think of endings, but I am not at all sad to write either of these. I am not sure of many things in my life right now, but I know neither of these feel sad because they aren’t really end endings. They are the end of the beginning.
Everything I have been working toward this far in my life is finally beginning to blossom. I will be possibly moving and definitely beginning graduate school by the beginning of next year. Change is scary. Writing “ending” letters is scary. Yet, when I try to picture my life staying at this apartment and not going to graduate school… it looks complacent. Black & white.
I would rather be in the colorful rapids through the rainforest of life than floating on a safe, still pond on my way to nowhere.